Yes, Your Therapist is a Person Too
In the realm of psychotherapy, a curious paradox exists. While the therapeutic relationship hinges on human connection and empathy, there's an unspoken expectation that therapists somehow exist outside the boundaries of the human experience. This misconception creates a disconnect that can undermine the very foundation of effective therapy.
The Human Behind the Professional Facade
You could imagine that therapists being people with their own unique needs as their clients are is well understood and pretty palatable information. However, when human experiences are discussed regarding therapists, the general consensus suggests otherwise. As therapists, we are often expected to be infinitely available, emotionally inexhaustible, and somehow immune to life's challenges.
It's no surprise that as emotional caregivers, many therapists struggle to prioritize their own needs when necessary. The professional culture often reinforces a martyr mentality—suggesting that true dedication means perpetual self-sacrifice. This mindset isn't just encouraged; in many educational and supervisory settings, it's practically engrained. Limited grief policies, unrealistic productivity standards and the general message of discouraging self disclosure creates a looming dialogue that minimizes therapists as individuals.
Imagine how this pressure intensifies as therapists are encouraged to perceive their needs as minute in comparison to those of their clients. This expectation comes not just from clients with systemically misinformed expectations, but from training programs and supervisors. The field of mental health often valorizes self-sacrifice above honoring therapists as individuals beyond their clinical roles.
Quality vs. Quantity: A New Perspective
What if we looked at this differently? What if showing up for clients "no matter what" actually prevents us from being present in ways clients truly need? This is essentially a quality versus quantity debate. I would rather my therapist show up as their best self than come into a space they don't have the capacity for.
When therapists operate from a depleted state—whether emotionally, physically, or mentally—the quality of care inevitably is impacted. A therapist who hasn't processed their own emotions cannot fully hold space for yours. A professional battling illness while conducting sessions may be physically present but in other ways compromised. The therapeutic presence that makes therapy effective cannot be sustained without replenishment.
Life Happens to Therapists Too
Therapists have family emergencies that require rescheduling sessions. Just like everyone else, we have aging parents needing last-minute rides to appointments, children who get sick at school, and pets with emergency vet visits. We experience deaths in our families, go through divorces, battle illnesses, and navigate all of life's unpredictable challenges.
Many therapists have been conditioned to believe they shouldn't take time when needed, nor should they disclose any personal information. This leads to a deeper question about self-disclosure and the therapeutic alliance that deserves its own discussion.
When therapists hide their humanity, they often provide vague explanations for cancellations, which can unintentionally feed into client insecurities or feelings of abandonment. This unnecessary secrecy can damage trust rather than protect the therapeutic relationship as often initially intended.
The Financial Reality of Therapeutic Practice
A frequent elephant in the room is the discussion around fair compensation for therapists. The ongoing presumption that therapists should not go into the field of mental health in order to make money is not only devaluing but dismissive of economic reality. Since when did career choice affect grocery prices?
Like everyone else, therapists need wages that allow financial sustainability. Surprisingly, this messaging doesn't just come from outside the field. Professors, supervisors, clinic directors, and mentors solidify a message that leads to burnout and attrition in the field, ultimately harming the very clients these systems claim to prioritize.
Many mental health professionals perpetuating this message have become jaded from their own experiences of being undervalued and underpaid. As supervisors and mentors, they unwittingly transfer these attitudes to impressionable new graduates, creating a self-perpetuating cycle. This intergenerational transmission of financial resignation fuels continued undercompensation, accelerates burnout, and drives high turnover rates across the profession—ultimately compromising client care and professional sustainability.
The pre-licensure requirement creates a particularly vulnerable period where new graduates have little leverage while needing supervised hours—a requirement to obtain licensure, often resulting in exploitation through low wages and excessive caseloads. And when this message comes from within the profession itself—from educators, supervisors, and experienced clinicians—it perpetuates a cycle that devalues the important work therapists do.
The Investment Behind the Hourly Rate
A significant investment of time and money goes into becoming a therapist, which influences how practitioners set their rates. Most hold advanced degrees representing 6–10 years of higher education, often with substantial student loan debt. Beyond formal education, there are continuing education requirements, licensing fees, professional memberships, malpractice insurance, and practice expenses.
For every client hour, therapists spend additional unpaid time on notes, treatment planning, consultation, and administration. When calculating the actual hourly wage, it's often much lower than the session fee suggests. Yet the expectation that therapists should work for minimal compensation persists, creating a system where burnout is common and financial stability elusive.
The Therapeutic Alliance: A Human Connection
The therapeutic alliance at its core comes from the mutual understanding that both individuals are human beings. This recognition ensures clients have a safe space with genuine human connection, while allowing therapists to practice with the understanding that their needs deserve space too—which can actually deepen the client's therapeutic work.
When therapists model appropriate boundary-setting, healthy communication, and self-advocacy, they demonstrate crucial skills many clients are working to develop. A therapist who takes a mental health day shows the importance of honoring emotional needs. One who charges sustainable rates demonstrates recognizing one's worth. These "human moments" aren't detractions from therapy—they're powerful growth opportunities.
Moving Forward: A More Authentic Approach'
Acknowledging therapists as people doesn't diminish their professional responsibilities or expertise. Instead, it creates space for more authentic therapeutic relationships that enhance therapeutic outcomes. Research consistently shows that the quality of the therapeutic alliance is the strongest predictor of positive outcomes—stronger than any specific technique or approach.
This connection builds on authenticity, trust, and collaboration. When we expect therapists to be superhuman, we undermine these foundations. By recognizing and respecting their humanity, we create conditions for truly transformative work.
For therapists, this means challenging professional norms that encourage self-neglect, establishing sustainable practice policies, and bringing appropriate authenticity to therapeutic relationships with intentional disclosure.
For clients, it means approaching therapy with realistic expectations—understanding that rescheduled appointments aren't personal rejections, fees reflect legitimate professional needs, and the therapist is navigating their own complex life alongside your treatment.
In embracing the full humanity of both parties in the therapeutic relationship, we create the possibility for deeper connection, more effective treatment, and a model of interaction that honors everyone's needs and boundaries. After all, isn't that what good therapy aims to provide?